"Flesh of my Flesh" by Lisannie Hilario

My anger isn’t just for you, it's for the ones that raised you and raised them. 

They believed that breaking you down slowly was all the love you needed

when all you wanted was to feel seen. 

You see... I’m sorry — you grew up with harsh words, stings and fury that came disguised as good intentions. 

Just a bunch of kids that never grew up, never healed, carrying the whole world on their backs. 

I'm sorry — for your rage.

They should've listened when they had the chance because I know it was worth listening to — but now I carry that. 

I’m sorry—  for your sadness that I may never understand.

 I wish your parents held you close and told you everything was gonna be okay —  but now I carry that. 

I'm sorry for the choices you didn’t have 

Because now I have too many and I don’t know where to go —

But now I carry that.

I carry my mothers rage, my fathers sadness, and the flesh of my flesh, I carry lifetimes of regrets.

The lifetimes within me wanted options, wanted to feel heard, wanted to feel seen, wanted to be held through the darkness — Wanted to feel like they mattered.

Flesh of my flesh

lifetimes between lifetimes 

you deserved better.

But I wish it wasn’t so heavy because now I carry that.

With a heavy heart and nervous guts — I carry that.

I carry that with love for me, a love you may never know

a healing I never asked for —  but I’ll carry that.

I’ll carry… lighten the loads for future lifetimes of my lifetimes, release the curse to be loved…

But between all that lies my anger.

Between the flesh of my flesh, lifetimes between lifetimes 

I deserve better too.